The pics with this article are straight off my phone due to time constraints. I am definitely not a photographer.
As you know, dear reader, I am on a long-term mission to single-handedly re-populate Australia with good quality station wagons, and given that Japan gave up selling them in the 2000s to instead bless us with an endless supply of vacuous SUVs, it is Europe that has held the fort on the longroof front throughout the 2010s.
In import terms, first came the W212 Mercedes-Benz E350, then the C7 Audi S6 Avant, then the W213 Mercedes-Benz AMG E43/E53, and now this, the W213 Mercedes-Benz E400.
One trend that has happened in recent years (aside from less wagons being available) is the separation of luxury and sports variants of any given model. Remember when you could buy a luxury version of an E-Class with a torquey V8 engine that could spend all day bouncing off the 250km/h limiter? Those combos have all but disappeared now. These days, if you want a performance E-Class variant, you get it with a shouty engine, rock hard suspension, and a ground-scraping bodykit. If you want luxury, you get stuck with a four-cylinder engine. Hell, in Australia our W213 wagon choices consisted solely of the silly AllTerrain Faux-WD version with the small diesel engine!
This is why we should celebrate the very existence of the E400 wagon. Sorry, Estate. Equipped with a 3.5 litre twin turbo V6 putting out an entirely-sufficient, surely-understressed 245kW with a chunky 480Nm of torque available from just above idle, and matched to a creamy 9-speed auto, adaptive air suspension front and rear, and Mercedes-Benz’s 4Matic AWD system. In Japan, the E400 Estate is only available with the Exclusive equipment package, which means buyers get the brilliant multi-directional (some would say sexy) LED headlights, the DrivePilot System with radar cruise control and the full suite of safety aids, proper Nappa leather trim, full TV screen for a dashboard (I’m sure there’s a better name for it), and my favourite gimmick: LED mood lighting that runs across the dashboard and into the door trims, giving a reasonable impression of an upmarket cocktail bar. Your kids and their mates will love it. Even funnier is that you can choose from 64 different colours, so you can use it like a modern day version of a mood ring: if the kids get in the car and the mood lighting has been changed to red, it’s time to stay quiet or dad will probably rip your head off.
I’m a big fan of the W212 facelift design (read more about it here), so at first glance the W213 seems a little bland. But I have grown to really appreciate some of the clever design touches over time, like how the swage crease along the top of the doors runs through the middle of the door handles, and the quality and design of the interior is light years ahead of the previous gen. Take a look at the gorgeous air vents and you will see what I mean. As for practicality, there are few wagons that can match the genuinely cavernous boot area and still manage to look decent. So from this perspective alone, it is a design triumph. As a bonus, the arrival of the E400 wagon in Japan also heralded the return of the bonnet badge: make bonnet badges great again!
Which brings us to the driving experience: combine that bonnet badge with a higher bonnet line than the W212, and it makes it feel more like driving a slightly downsized S-Class than a family truckster. ‘Out of my way, peasant!’ has been uttered by me on the odd occasion, and this never happened in the W212. So yes, the E400 Estate feels like a fully-fledged luxury car, with all the bells and whistles, that will still accommodate the wolfhounds in the rear rather than having to tow a dinky little dog trailer around.
The flip side to this is that, while it will hustle you to the speed limit in five-point-something seconds without fuss or noise, do not expect it to behave like a sports car. This air suspension is tuned for comfort, and that is what sir should expect. If sir expects a sporty car, he can step over to the AMG section. In an E400, you don’t drive as much as waft. ‘We’re wafting your way, darling’. It’s the car your adult designated-driver kids can drive into town to collect you from a big night at the pub, then you can crank up the heated seats and pass the hell out while they gently waft you safely back home. Use this car for its intended purpose and you will genuinely enjoy driving it every time.
There are two things I dislike about the E400: the first is Mercedes-Benz’s dogged adherence to putting the gear selector on a stalk on the right side of the steering wheel. For anyone who also drives a Japanese car, you’ve never truly lived until you’ve pulled out to pass a truck on the open road, and instead of indicating back into your lane, you’ve shifted into neutral in front of oncoming traffic. This does not make for happy wafting.
The other is, once again, their insipid standard alloy wheel designs. I have a long held theory that car manufacturers can never co-ordinate their body and wheel design teams to be excellent at the same time. In other words, when you get a beautifully designed car, it will come with crap wheels (Mercedes-Benz throughout the 2010s) or you get crap body designs with nice wheels (Mercedes-Benz now). Seriously, put aside your dislike of M-B’s electric vehicle range and check out how many classy wheel designs they have. Those wheels deserve a better life, man.
So naturally, because I ‘can’t leave shit alone’, as my wife often says, I consigned the factory 18s to the bin and sourced a set of Maybach-Mercedes 20” wheels from this decade. They are reps, of course, because real ones aren’t very thick on the ground and probably wouldn’t be factory-made in the sizes I needed anyway. And the great part with having air suspension front and rear is that all that is needed to dump it is a few hundred bucks worth of links and let the system auto-level itself at the lower height, all while retaining the factory ride quality.
I’m sure you’ll agree the new 20s transform the look of the car, simultaneously looking classy and gangster. In my eyes, silver is one of the most boring colours in a car maker’s paint chart, so it’s a real challenge to make it look good. Pro tip: make your wheels shiny. Whether it be chrome or machine finish, across the entire wheel or just on the outer rims, some bling really helps silver cars pop in the sun. With the smooth design of the E400 Estate, I feel like the combo almost pays homage to Mercedes-Benz’s famous Silver Arrows racing cars. A bit of a stretch, I know, but I’m running with it.
Driving Impressions
- It’s the great all-rounder, just don’t expect a sports car.
- It will impress family and friends with its ‘mini S-Class’ opulence and surprise-and-delight features.
- Your mates/valets could easily drive it gently and probably never know it is packing some decent oomph under the bonnet.
- It wafts along on the highway like it was born for it, and I honestly couldn’t think of a better car to pick for an interstate trip.
Good Points
- The bonnet badge. Don’t argue with its existence. Embrace it and be the superior human you were born to be.
- Engine/gearbox/drivetrain combo is seamless, and does everything with a minimum of fuss and in near silence. Don’t be tempted to make it louder, you’ll ruin the serenity.
- Ridiculously good LED headlight setup. If there is a more effective system on the market, I am yet to see it. As a bonus, watch the dramatic start up sequence when you unlock the car.
- The ambient mood lighting inside. Is it a gimmick? Almost certainly. Is it sexy? Absolutely.
- This particular car is optioned with the Burmester 13-speaker sound system, which is sensational, and far nicer sound quality at low volume than the equivalent B&O setup from Audi.
- Real buttons on the centre console that get you straight to what you need without taking your eyes off the road.
Bad points
- Fairly boaty ride in comfort mode. Again, don’t expect it to be something it’s not.
- Silly location of the engine start button behind the steering wheel where you can’t find it.
- A grumpy speed sign reader that starts flashing at you on the dash when you do ONE KILOMETRE AN HOUR over the speed limit. I’m sure there’s probably a way to remove it in the settings somewhere. Besides, half the time it reads the wrong signs.
- Crappy standard wheels. Throw them in the sea.
- The gear selector being on a stalk instead of on the centre console. Stop trying to make it a thing, Mercedes. It’s not a thing.
